Katie’s Poem

 

At first I didn’t want you.

‘A boy would be nice,’ I thought,

Someone for him to play with,

A pal, a buddy for life.

 

Then came my birthday,

a beautiful day.

For the first time we got a glimpse of you.

Inside of me you twisted and turned.

You kicked your leg up and yawned.

You were alive, oh so alive,

and my heart swelled with joy.

“It’s a girl,” we were told

and suddenly,

you were exactly what I’d hoped for,

exactly what I wanted.

 

 

 Then the day came.

With a push and a shout

You entered into our world.

Laughing at your tiny face puckered up in misery,

we welcomed you.

You were beautiful.

Holding you in my arms,

I marveled at your tiny hands, your tiny feet.

You were my precious baby girl.

The girl I thought I didn’t want.

 

 But it didn’t stop there.

We took you home.

We brought you to your brother.

His eyes glimmered with delight when he saw you.

‘What was this?’ he wondered,

and the possibilities of brotherhood

s t r e t c h e d out before him.

The dog came and, mildly interested,

sniffed at you.

But he turned his back.

‘Not another one,’

he seemed to be saying.

You had entered into our hearts and our lives;

you who I thought I didn’t want.

 

 

Many times since then I’ve held you in my arms.

Our eyes lock when I feed you,

and we study one another –

sharing secrets of the life to come.

Secrets that only a mother and daughter

can understand.

It’s in those moments that I know;

I will never grow tired of you,

I will never run out of love for you,

but most of all

I will never again think that I don’t want you.

What he chooses to remember

Ever thought God was a meanie? Unfair, unloving, unkind. Punishing us for even the most minor of infractions. Ignoring our tears. Ignoring our cries for help. Yup, that’s God summed up in a nutshell, or is it?

I think God deserves a break, and here’s why. Have you ever thought about what God forgets and what he chooses to remember? If you haven’t ever really considered it, allow me to let scripture shed some light on the subject.

Let’s start with what God forgets. Our sin.

^{Psalm 103:11} For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
   so great is his love for those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
   so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Doesn’t sound so mean or unfair to me. Sounds kind of good actually. Like something I don’t really deserve. You may have read this one before and felt comforted and encouraged to know that God’s love is as big as it gets. It’s helped me, but up until a recent lesson in a bible study by Beth Moore, I hadn’t thought too much about just how complete God’s forgiveness is. Then I came across a verse that literally awed me.

^{Micah 7:19} You will again have compassion on us;
   you will tread our sins underfoot
   and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

God’s a meanie, huh? Really? The one who hurls our sins into the depths of the sea: never thinking about them, never holding a grudge, never deep sea diving for them. It’s almost like he forgets about them, or rather, in Christ, he chooses to forget them.

So, what does God decide to remember? Our tears. A few years back, I stumbled across this verse in the book of Psalms;

^{Psalm 56:8} You keep track of all my sorrows.^[a]
      You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
      You have recorded each one in your book.

At that time in my life, things were pretty tough, and, like most of you, I shed a lot of tears that seemed to go unnoticed. But when I came across this verse, it was like balm to my soul. God records each one of my tears? Wow. What a mind blowing thought; the God of the universe knows and records every single tear I’ve ever shed? He collects them. Like a priceless treasure.

Why, why would he do that? Because the most important choice God makes when it comes to his creation is love. He loves us. Plain and simple. He hates that we hurt. He hates that we cry. And, in his almighty goodness, he chooses to remember our tears. Just so we don’t think he doesn’t care. Just so we don’t think he isn’t with us.

^{Revelation 7:17} For the Lamb at the center of the throne
   will be their shepherd;
‘he will lead them to springs of living water.’^[a]
   ‘And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.’^[b]”

Did you catch that? Not some. Not a few. Not most. Every. Every tear will be wiped away from our eyes, mine, yours, God sees them all. He cares about them all.

I’ll admit it is easy to think that God is mean. It is. But, hopefully, today you’ve gained a little perspective. Remember these two simple yet important things: God chooses to forget our sins, God chooses to collect our tears. And when we come home to heaven, he is prepared to wipe each and every one of them away.

What a Friend

Today I was thinking about what a friend we have in Jesus. Remember that hymn? It was one of my favorites when I was a kid. I loved to sing it in church, and, back then, it really was true. Even if no one else got me, Jesus did. What a friend, right?

Nowadays, I think of Jesus as my friend, but there are times when I wish I could have been his friend while he lived on earth. What was he like? Did he joke? Did he cry and give hugs when he knew someone was hurting? In the Bible, we don’t get a lot of details about feelings. It’s the story plain and simple. But I have to believe that Jesus was a likable, even lovable, kind of guy. Take, for example, this little gem of a verse found in Luke 2:52:

⁵² And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.

This verse comes after the story of the boy, Jesus, in the temple. I love it. He grew in favor with God and men. You know what that says to me? People liked him. They really liked him. Not because he was the Son of God. Nobody really knew that except for Mary and Joseph, and sometimes even they forgot.

Take, for example, the event that took place just before the above verse. Mary and Joseph had gone to Jerusalem and were on their way home when it occurred to them that Jesus was nowhere to be found. Mary and Joseph frantically searched Jerusalem looking for their oldest, until they found him in the most unlikely place . . .  

After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. ⁴⁷ Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. ⁴⁸ When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.”

⁴⁹ “Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?”^{[f] 50} But they did not understand what he was saying to them.

When Mary and Joseph found him in the temple it says that they were astonished. Makes me wonder what astonished them. The fact that he’d been there for three days seemingly indifferent to the panic they must be feeling, or were they astonished for a completely different reason? Maybe because Jesus, their first born, had always been so responsible, kind, caring, obedient. This was completely out of character for him.

And I have to admit that when I heard that story as a child, it seemed so out of sync with the very nature of who Jesus is. But, the more I think about it, the more it seems that something was going on that needed to be dealt with. Jesus was twelve. In another eighteen years or so, he would begin his ministry. I think God needed to jog Joseph’s and Mary’s memory.  Jesus was His Son, His eternal Son. God didn’t do it to be mean but to prepare them. To remind them. Jesus had a job to do. He wasn’t going to be a carpenter for the rest of his life. He had a job to do, and no one else could do it.

So, no, I don’t think Jesus was being snotty that day. He was preparing the ones he loved for what was to come.  And when Jesus did begin his ministry I think Mary, his mom, the one who loved him with all her heart, missed him most. And maybe, of all the other people who had been around him throughout his childhood, Mary understood him best. But after the incident at the temple, I don’t think she ever forgot just who Jesus really was.  

Fast forward eighteen years or so to another place where a celebration was in full swing. A wedding. Jesus was there. So were his disciples. So was Mary. Here’s the run-down in the account of Luke.

¹ On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, ² and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. ³ When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”

⁴ “Woman,^[a] why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.”

Again the verse above seems rather rude or harsh. Why would Jesus speak to his mother like that? But, Mary didn’t seem offended in the least. Because after he says the above, his mother says to the servants:

⁵ “Do whatever he tells you.”

Seems to me there’s more than meets the eye in this exchange. Maybe Jesus says this to her with a smile on his face, or a wink. If he had intended to be rude or harsh, Mary wouldn’t have confidently told the servants to “Do whatever he tells you.”

Yup, wish I could have known Jesus back when he walked on this earth. But, regardless, I’m sure glad to have him as a friend now. He seems like the kind of guy who’d always have my back. And just so I don’t forget, so you don’t forget, I’ll close with the first verse of a hymn that intrigues me even to this day.

What a friend we have in Jesus,

all our sins and griefs to bear!

What a privilege to carry

everything to God in prayer!

O what peace we often forfeit,

O what needless pain we bear,

all because we do not carry

everything to God in prayer.

In correlation with a bible study I'm doing, I'm giving up guilt for the next ten weeks. I'm quite sure I won't be missing it.
Galatians 5:1 (Posted on Facebook, February 13^th.)

Guilt. Love it. I would say I have successfully spent much of my life feeling guilty. Guilty about so many things: judging others, holding grudges, eating too much chocolate (although if one has to have a guilty pleasure, there could be worse things, right?) I even feel guilty about feeling guilty. Crazy. In fact, guilt and I are so well acquainted that I know its nuances all too well.

Guilt brings with it a sense of shame. I’m such a bad person. I can’t do anything right. God must be really irritated with me because, yes, once again I’ve failed to do what is right or to stop doing what’s wrong. This struggle reminds me of a verse penned by the Apostle Paul.

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? (Romans 7:24)

It brings me great comfort to know that even the Apostle Paul referred to himself as a wretched man. Because, hey, who can’t relate to that--wretched, miserable sinners that we are. Thankfully, that’s not the end of this great conversation that Paul has with his readers and, maybe, more importantly, himself.

²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

That deliverance earned for us on an old, rugged cross, that’s where the power comes in, the power I have to live the life I’ve always wanted to. Beating the stick of guilt over my head isn’t going to sanctify me. If anything, it just makes things worse. But, as I remember that God is my sanctifier, I realize that he is the only one who can change me.

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. (1 Thess 5:23-24)

Guilt and peace can’t cohabit. It’s either one or the other. Last time I checked, God didn’t send Jesus down to tally up my sins. He sent his beloved Son down to set me free. Besides, who am I fooling. God knows the real me--maybe even better than I know myself. He knows my sin, my guilt, my shame. He isn’t looking for me to grovel at his feet. All he wants to do is set me free--free from the part I hate most about myself, the sinner.

I run in the path of your commands for you have set my heart free. (Psalm 119:32)

 I’ve always loved that verse, but in the past it’s seemed so unattainable Running in the path of God’s commands; how is that possible? When I feel guilty about something, it weighs me down to the point that I can barely walk, let alone run. But I’m finding that when I fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith, the winds of liberty spur me on to freedom, a freedom that releases me to run like crazy in the path of his commands.

1.     John 5:17

In his defense Jesus said to them, “My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I too am working.”

Have you ever thought about God working? Kind of an interesting thought, isn’t it? Up until a few years ago, whenever I thought of God, I pictured him as a king sitting on his throne, not really doing anything except, well, watching us. But, lately, I’ve been wondering, does God make plans. Does He have an end goal in mind, and does He know exactly how to get it to work?

The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Jesus even said it. God is working to this very day. Kind of a cool thought.  I had a skewed vision of God when I believed that, since creation, he’s been sitting on his throne just hanging out. And while the Bible does speak of God sitting on his throne, it’s wrong to think that He’s just hanging out in the passive sense. Because I very much believe that God is active here and now. Active. Working. Solving. Doing.

What’s more, his work is good. Think about creation. Everything God made was good, right? But I’ve often wondered, if tigers weren’t supposed to eat gazelles, why did God give them sharp claws and teeth; or why does an iguana have to change colors to blend into its surroundings. Why do humans have sharp teeth if all we were meant to eat is plants? In other words, why the default? If creation was perfect, why the back-up plan?

Well, I believe that’s exactly what it was meant to be; a back-up plan. God knew, knew that things could go either way. He had a plan for that. If things went bad, He knew tigers would need claws and iguanas would need camouflage. The wisdom of creation is that God was prepared for the best, and the worst, of outcomes. That’s who God is.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Do you ever wonder about your own life? Does God truly work everything for our good? As you sit there and ponder that question, look back at the above verse. There’s that word, that beautiful word, work.  Scripture outright says it: God is working. He has a back-up plan for your life. No matter the way you’ve chosen up to this point, evil, good, or something in-between, God is at work and should you give him your life, He is putting that plan into action even as I type this. Trust him. Believe him. God is at work and, as we know from the marvel that is creation, His work is good.

crazy temptations

Luke 4:1 Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the desert, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry.

You know, sometimes I think we give Jesus a bad rap. I know for a long time I did. Because he is the Son of God, I assumed that he had it easy while he lived on earth. After all, he is God’s Son how hard can it be to resist temptations. Easy - peasy, right? But, unpack the verse above and you’ll get a different sense for how difficult life must have been for him. What’s more, knowing he suffered when he was tempted should give us hope and comfort. The same Spirit that gave Jesus the ability to stay strong lives in us, too.  

First, let’s unpack that verse. Here’s the deal. Jesus had just been baptized. He had fulfilled his Father’s will. After he was baptized, God’s Spirit, the Holy Spirit, descended on him in the form of a dove and his Father spoke from heaven, “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” (Luke 3:22)

Figuratively speaking, I suppose Jesus was on the mountaintop. So where does God lead him next? He sends him to the desert, to be tempted. Nothing mountaintop-ish about that experience. He ate nothing. Nothing, for forty days, and, sorry to state the obvious, but he was probably hungry - really hungry. I don’t know about you, but I miss breakfast and I’m hungry by mid-morning. Hungry and grouchy.

This is what Jesus was up against. He was in the valley now. No mountaintop experience here. He was probably as low as low could be, and, at a moment when he was weakest, the tempter was ready. Ready to knock God’s Son off his feet. After all, Satan knew what he was doing. They don’t call him crafty for nothing. This was one of his best shots to bring Jesus down.

Maybe it’s the way Jesus responded to the devil. It all seemed to come so easy. And maybe because the account in Luke sounds so simple and matter-of fact, I’m led to believe that Jesus had it easy. But he didn’t. Not even close. He suffered. He really did. In fact, the book of Hebrews gives us an inside look at what Jesus was really going through.

Because [Jesus] himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted. Hebrews 2:18

Did you catch that word, that one important word? Suffered. Jesus suffered. It was no picnic. He may not have even expected it. He had come from the mountaintop, and, in a matter of days, found himself in one of life’s deepest valleys.

 You see, Jesus understands. He really does. He knows what it’s like to face some of life’s greatest temptations. He knows how hard it is to resist, to just say, “No.”  Next time you’re facing some of your greatest temptations remember this, the same Spirit that lives in Jesus, by faith, lives in us, too. Don’t make the mistake I made for so long. Jesus didn’t have it easy. Life was hard. Go to him, bring him your pain, and, remember, he’s suffered. He’s been there, too.

Regret. Yes, that’s what I was supposed to be writing about this week. Funny thing, I actually had to look back at my first blog about “the big three” to remember what the third one on the list was. Kind of regret that. Yes, that was my lame attempt at cracking a joke. Hope you don’t regret reading this. Okay, I’ve really got to stop and get to the serious stuff.

Regret, there it is. The last of “the big three”. When I look back on my life, there are a lot of things I regret. The big one that comes to mind is adopting my husband’s sense of humor. But there are plenty of others, so, I thought I’d make a top ten list of my biggest regrets in life.

My Top Ten Regrets

10. Buying glasses in the third grade that matched Estelle Getty’s from the show “The Golden Girls”.

9. Letting my husband see pictures of me wearing those glasses.

8. T.P,’ ing my high school science teacher’s front yard. Yup, got caught. By the police.

7. Skipping, for the first time ever, my last period of the day and running into my mom when I was filling my car up with gas.

6. Trying to fry a steak in my college roommate’s brand new skillet. (Still feel bad about that one.)

5. Letting the dog sleep on our bed.

4. Letting the dog sleep on our bed. I so strongly regret this one that I had to list it twice.

3. Introducing my kids to the cartoon, Wow Wow Wubbzy. seriously. regret. that.

2. Buying the little black dress that fell apart when I tried to wash it. (Hmmm, maybe I wasn’t supposed to wash it.)

And the number one biggest regret in my life . . .

1. Spending too much time regretting my decisions.

So, I guess there should be some gravity to this silly post. What do we do when we’ve made a mistake that we regret? Since I dogged him at the beginning of this post, I’ll make it up to my husband. Bad humor or not, he does give some pretty good advice.

Shortly before we got married, I made a mistake. Though I don’t even recall what I was stewing about, I distinctly remember the advice that my, then fiancé, gave to me. Don’t look back. Learn from your mistake and keep going forward. I don’t know why, but that day, the advice he gave kind of set me free. He was right. I didn’t need to regret the past; I just needed to learn from it. When you think about it, regret is a little bit like guilt. It’s a feeling, a fear, that just holds us back. So, learn from your mistakes and keep moving on. Best advice I ever got from a man whose sense of humor is questionable, but whose advice is always sound.

 

Neither go back in fear and misgiving to the past, nor in anxiety and forecasting to the future. But lie quiet under [God’s] hand having no will but His. ~ C.S. Lewis