Despair

Defeated. Have you ever had one of those days when you just felt defeated? Like you had this weight of dejection hanging around—your own personal cloud of gloominess. It’s one of those days for me, and I can’t give a specific reason why.

Yes, it’s a cloudy day here in Nebraska, and, while that may be contributing to this general feeling of doom and gloom, I’m not sure I can blame it all on that. 

This gloominess isn’t depression necessarily. It’s more a state of mind that stems from the fact that there are people I really care about who are hurting and I feel powerless to help. 

I think back to Jesus’ time on earth and wonder if he ever felt this kind of defeat—this overwhelming feeling of despair. About the only story I could come up with was the following.   

A little background here so you understand what’s happening. An argument is occurring among the crowd. There is a father who has brought his demon-possessed boy to the disciples and, unlike other times, their attempts to cast out the demon are unsuccessful. The following three passages from Matthew, Mark and Luke record Jesus’ response when the father turns to him instead: 

Matthew 17:17 

¹⁷ “You unbelieving and perverse generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me.”

Mark 9:19

¹⁹ “You unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.”

And again in Luke 9:41

⁴¹ “You unbelieving and perverse generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you and put up with you? Bring your son here.”

In the midst of all the gospel stories about Jesus healing, teaching and preaching, this one seems obscure. But, what I find interesting about this particular story is the fact that it is recorded in three of the four gospels; Matthew, Mark and Luke. It makes me wonder why. 

This is a theory, mind you, but could it be that this atypical response by Jesus astonished his disciples? After all, this is a side of Jesus they’d rarely, if ever, seen. And apparently, it made a lasting impression. 

Somehow, this minor story makes me feel better. It reminds me that Jesus had feelings too—real ones, human ones. He understands what it’s like to be frustrated—to want to give in to feelings of defeat, maybe even despair. 

I, for one, am glad that Jesus didn’t hold back. I’m glad to know that my Savior understands.

He understands. That thought gives me hope, because the one who overcame the world empathizes with me. He “gets” why I have feelings of frustration. What’s more, he is here to guide me through them—teaching me to persevere and never give up on hope. 

So bring on those cloudy, gloomy days, Nebraska. I can handle them. Despair doesn’t have to win. Not this time. Not ever.