1 John 4:9-10 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Yesterday, Katie and I got into a discussion about a little boy at school who “kept bothering,” her. We agreed that the best way to handle the situation is to walk away or find an adult who can help. 

Realizing that this was a teachable moment, I told Katie that she should pray for this little boy, because Jesus told us to pray for our enemies. Katie remained silent, but I could tell she was processing what I’d said. My hope is that a little seed of forgiveness will take root in her heart and teach her how to be a merciful person. 

Forgiveness reminds me of another “f,” word that is offensive. The above verse really touches a nerve on this whole forgiveness issue. Especially the last sentence; ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

It reminds me of a story from the Bible when Jesus teaches a lesson on forgiveness. 

The gist of it is that a man owes a rich man a great sum of money—a sum he can never repay. So this man goes to the rich man and begs to have his debt forgiven, and because the rich man is a very benevolent person, he agrees to forgive the debt. 

Unfortunately, the man doesn’t offer the same kind of mercy that’s been extended to him. He finds a man who owes him a pittance. And because he’s missed the point of how forgiveness works, he throws the man into jail until he can pay back every penny he owes.  

When the other servants realize what this merciless man has done, they go to their master and tell him everything. In his anger, the rich man throws the man into jail until he can pay back every penny he owes. 

I think about this story a lot when I’m having trouble forgiving. The debt that I owe God for my sins is astronomical. I can never repay it. God knows this and from his benevolent heart he chooses to forgive me. If God can forgive me for every sin I’ve ever committed, who am I to hold on to an unforgiving spirit?

When I’m holding a grudge, I think about this parable and remember that Jesus has paid for each and every sin I've ever committed—even my “little” sins or my reoccurring ones. Every time I ask for forgiveness, God chooses to forgive me. Every time. 

Don’t hold grudges. Don’t hang on to anger. Unforgiveness doesn’t alter the situation—it can’t change what’s in the past. 

Remember that God loved us first, he forgave us first. Then turn around in mercy and do the same for your neighbor. It will help you let go of the past and move on in to the future. And a future free from bitterness sounds pretty good to me.

The Big Three

John 8:31 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “if you hold to my teaching you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

You know what I’ve realized about myself? I’m a fretter and a stewer. Mostly about mistakes or bad decisions I’ve made or unfortunate circumstances that I find myself in. These are all feelings that have led me down a path I really don’t want to be on with thoughts that have never done me any good - fear, guilt, and regret. Yup, the Big Three. The three that can stop me in my tracks. Lock me in a prison of despair. Immobilize me. If there was ever a person who has been led down the path of misery too many times by these treacherous feelings, it would have to be me.

I have felt guilty about entirely too many things, dwelt entirely too much on my mistakes, shortcomings, screw-ups. And you know what I’ve found? That as good and pious as it might seem to grovel at the feet of God, begging forgiveness for my poor sinful condition, it isn’t really what He wants. In fact, I think carrying around a load of guilt is exactly the opposite of what He wants. I think He wants me to believe.

Believe what? Believe that His Son paid the full price for all of my sins, all of them. And holding on to guilt is kind of a slap in the face to Him when you think about it. It’s like I’m telling Him, ‘Yes, I know that Jesus loves me. Yes, I know that He died for my sins, but I think I need to add something to all of that by groveling on my knees to show just how sorry I am.’ And, while I think it’s vitally important that we are repentant, that we are sorry, I think once the mercy is asked for, God wants us to stand up and keep moving in the right direction.

Proverbs 24:16 [F]or though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again.

You see, I think the Big Three are feelings God never meant for us to carry around. Think about it. If you had a child who had broken your favorite vase or golf clubs or whatever, a child who was truly sorry and admitted that they’d done wrong, you’d punish them. But afterward, after all was said and done, would you want your child to carry around a load of guilt for the rest of their childhood? Of course not. 

So the big question is, why do we? If Jesus came to do what He truly wanted to do – set us free, why would we remain behind bars of guilt when the door to the cell has already been cracked wide open? You see, Jesus did come to set us free. Set us free to run in the path of His commands. So let’s try something shall we? A New Year’s Resolution that might just revolutionize our relationship with God. Believe the truth – the truth that God has removed our sins and our guilt -  as far away from us as the east is from the west. I don’t know about you, but this is one New Year’s resolution that I’m looking forward to keeping – maybe even for a lifetime.

those crazy grudges

Hello to all!  I had my 20^th high school reunion this past week.  It was fun and also eye-opening in one important way. But I’ll save that for later.

Have you ever had an internal “fight” with someone?   What I mean is this.  Have you ever been mad at someone or thought someone was mad at you, and in that state of bitterness, anger, or unforgiveness done the one thing you ought not to have done – avoided talking to them.  Confrontation, yup that good old word confrontation.  You may hate the idea, but consider the alternative - living a lifetime without ever clearing up the situation.  Sounds silly I know, but I have a confession to make.  I let twenty years pass holding a grudge against someone - someone I thought I’d forgiven.  Mind you, I consider myself a fairly forgiving person.  In this situation, however, I was anything but.

So here’s what happened.  My junior year of high school I invited a guy in my class to go to our fall formal.  (It was the kind of dance when girls asked out the guys).  I didn’t really know this person very well, but two of my closest friends and I decided to ask three guys who were themselves good friends.  That way we could all have fun together.  Anyway, the guy I asked wasn’t necessarily a friend, more like an acquaintance.  But I asked anyway in accordance with our plan. 

When this particular guy came to pick me up, I was mildly uncomfortable – we just didn’t know each other very well. As we stood barely touching for the pictures my parents took, my face blushed the faintest red.  This was embarrassing. Unfortunately, it was only the beginning of my discomfiture.  Let’s just say picture time turned out to be the highlight of the night.  After that, things went downhill considerably.

 My date and I spent most of the evening barely glancing at each other, let alone talking. The night seemed to drag on and on, and the ending was anything but happy.  You see, I got ditched.  Don’t exactly remember the details.  But somewhere in between the time the official dance ended and the unofficial partying began, the guy split.  Leaving me alone and feeling completely mortified. 

Flash forward

It’s nineteen years later and as I add old high school acquaintances as friends on facebook, I notice that this guy, the one who ditched me, is also on facebook.  Do I friend him, no?  Do I continue to hold a grudge against him, yes.  After all, he left me – how dare he.  When this could have been an opportunity to make things right, I simply let my bitter feelings simmer just a bit more.  Yes, you got it, after twenty years I still felt  resentment against him. No way I was going to friend him after what he did to me. 

Flash forward a year later – My twentieth high school reunion. 

I’m preparing to meet old friends, rivals, even enemies and which “enemy” seems to float across the screen of my brain the most – “James” - the guy who left me.  The moment I saw him I thought, “Good.  Now he’ll see what a great person I turned out to be, and he’ll be embarrassed.”  The funny thing is, that weekend I found out the true story, the real story straight from the horse’s, or in this case James’ mouth.  The reason, the real reason he left me that night?  He thought we were related. Yup, you heard it right – he thought we were related.  Sheds a whole new light on the story doesn’t it? 

Want to hear some more surprising details.  How, you might be thinking, did I figure this out?  Because the night of the reunion he told not only one good friend of mine, but another as well about what had happened that night.  The whole truth and nothing but the truth.  Not only that, but he told them how badly he felt about the whole thing.  After twenty years, he still remembered it.  He still felt badly about it.  He didn’t ditch me because I was a loser or looked horrendous in my dress.  He ditched me because he thought we were related.  Case closed.

Want to know how I felt after I’d learned the “rest of the story”.  Embarrassed and relieved all at the same time.  Mostly embarrassed.  How in the world could I have let things get out of hand like this?  And really, it all boils down to just one problem.  I never asked.  I think if I had, neither of us would have carried this regret around with us for all these years.

So the moral of this story is ask, just ask.  If you think someone’s angry with you, or you harbor a grudge against them, talk to them.  It’s so much easier than carrying around a load of guilt or a bitter heart for twenty years - or what could turn out to potentially be a lifetime. 

Want to know how I know all of this?  Because I’ve started to do something I didn’t have the guts to do in high school, I ask.  Whether I think someone’s upset with me or feel wronged by someone – I ask.  I talk.  I confront.  And you want to know the funniest part?  It works.  Nine times out of ten it’s a miscommunication, or a down-right lie that I’ve believed.  Talking to them is like opening a curtain in a dark and dusty room.  The moment the light shines in, the truth is revealed, and all the lies scatter like dust.  So, if you are harboring a grudge or a load of guilt – talk to that person.  I promise you it works, it really does. 

Matthew 5:23-24 Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.  First go and be reconciled  to your brother; then come and offer your gift.