cuddles vs. calendars

I am a checklist junkie. I love to make a list and follow it to a T. It’s so fun to get out a pen and make a big ol’ checkmark each time I accomplish something on my list. For me, it’s an almost euphoric experience—one that brings me great satisfaction.

Lately, though, I’ve been rethinking this whole checklist thing. Not that I’m going to get rid of them. No, I love them way too much for that. But sometimes I wonder if in the midst of checking off my daily duties, I forget something that probably should have been at the top of my list—spending time with my family.

Take for example, my husband. When he’s at work, I think about calling him several times a day wanting to share this or that moment with him, or just say hi and tell him I love him. But the moment my husband gets home from work, he turns into the invisible man. After all, I’ve got a checklist to follow and, guess what, he’s not on it. 

I think about my kids in this light, too. They are growing up way too fast. It seems like if I blink I miss something. These changes remind me that there won’t always be a little girl who wants to play ponies with her mommy or a little boy who wants to cuddle before he falls asleep. 

You see, I think back to when my kids were babies and a sense of regret rises up. I had checklists back then, too. And quite frankly, I followed them a little too religiously. In the midst of making lists and checking them twice, I missed things, important things.

Yes, I accomplished a great deal by staying the course and finishing my duties, but I look back now and feel like I cheated myself out of something precious, cuddling time—holding my babies close to my heart as much as I could. Yea, I sure wish I could have a do-over when it comes to those baby days.

But since regret’s never done me any good, I’m trying a different approach. No, I can’t go back and fix my mistakes, but I can learn from them. 

When my hubby walks through that door, I make an effort to greet him with a hug and a kiss, letting him know how glad I am that he’s home. And even if it’s only for the briefest of moments, we fill each other in on our days. The conversations can be short, but that’s okay. What matters is that I set my checklist aside and concentrate on what’s really important.

When my baby girl asks me to play ponies, I make an effort to drop what I’m doing and play pretend.  Though I can’t say playing ponies is one of my favorite things to do, I know it’s important to her. So in spite of my bad attitude, I make a sincere effort to get my pony groove on and just take time to have fun.

Yesterday, I sat down and told my son story after story about when I was little. He absolutely loves it when I share anecdotes from my past. Just as I finish up with one, he begs for another.

When I was done telling stories, our conversation turned to heavenly things. I asked him if he thought we’d be wrinkly and old in heaven. His response was pretty profound. “Mom,” he said, “I think we will be mature in heaven, but we won’t look old.”

Our discussion continued on much the same vein when I asked how he thought we’ll feel when we get to heaven. My wise eight-year-old’s response; “I think we’ll be tired and worn out, but Jesus will make us feel better.” 

Just think, if all I’d done yesterday was make myself a slave to that checklist, I’d have missed out on a pretty special conversation.

Call it making an investment. Investing in my relationships knowing that what I have now won’t last forever. In the midst of all I have to do in a day, I’m going to remember that sometimes the things that aren’t on my checklist, are the most important things I’ll do all day.

No, I’ll never get rid of my checklists. After all, they do give structure and order to my day. But now when I have the opportunity, I’ll let the truly important things override all of the others, making my lists look a little more like this:

Give my husband and kids hugs and kisses before they head out the door—check.

And a little less like this:

Finish my latest blog post—check.

your self-worth = your performance + other's opinions about you

Ironically, last night I thought of two great subjects for this week’s blog post, but do you think I can remember either of them this morning. Absolutely not. I need to learn to write my ideas down before they fly away, and I’m left without a single thing to write about. Well, I must carry on. This one’s gonna be a shot in the dark, people. Bear with me, I’m sure it’ll go somewhere good in the end. At least I hope so.

Ahhaa, just as I was writing the above, one of the ideas flew back into my head. I’m learning that it pays to write random thoughts until my brain can finally grasp onto something that might be worth sharing.

The Search for Significance. It’s a book, written by Robert S. McGee. I have only read this book twice in my lifetime, but it has changed my viewpoint drastically. This is a book that was recommended to me by a counselor I met with shortly after I had been diagnosed. Ten years later, I find myself re-reading it, realizing it’s as applicable for me today as it was back then.  

While he didn’t know it at the time, this counselor was giving me the assignment of a lifetime. It was exactly what I needed to learn.

You see, after reading this book I realized that there was a certain lie I had believed for most of my life. A lie that made me miserable in so many ways:

My Self-worth = My performance + Others’ Opinions [About Me]

At first glance, it may seem like an inconsequential equation, maybe even nonsense. But if you’re anything like me you come to realize that this statement rings with a whole lot of deceit.

One of the topics I had discussed with my counselor was my propensity to base my self-worth on my performance and others’ opinions about me. When my counselor released me from meeting with him, he encouraged me to read Search. At the time the book’s subject was exactly what I needed to hear. And ten years later, I must confess, its lessons are just as valuable today.

When McGee writes about this topic of building our self worth on the approval of others or on our performance, he demonstrates that we’re missing the whole point of our existence. 

We are not valuable because of others’ good opinions. Nor are we valuable because we perform well. Our true value is based on what God says about us. We are His prized possession, so precious to Him that He would sacrifice everything; even the Son He loved most, to bring us back to Him.  

Does this nonsensical equation consume your thoughts as much as they did mine?

Your self-worth = your performance + others’ opinions [about you].

Stop believing it. This lie will have you chasing your tail the rest of your days leaving you exhausted and hopeless. Throw off this lie that your self-worth = your performance + others’ opinions [about you]. It’s a formula for disaster. It will never leave you satisfied. 

To quote from McGee’s book, “Our value is not dependent on our ability to earn the fickle acceptance of people, but rather, its true source is the love and acceptance of God. He created us. He alone knows how to fulfill all of our needs.”

 

Amen, to that brother. Amen to that.

https://www.google.com/#q=search+for+significance