crazy hope

As of late, I’ve been feeling kind of guilty about something. No deep, dark secret here but maybe a little bit of feeling bad for feeling so good.

As I’ve been more candid about sharing my “story” about being bipolar, God’s opened up a lot of doors for me, bringing me into contact with several people who either have the disease itself or a loved one who does.

So many have shared the difficult times they’ve had, and how they continue to struggle with symptoms despite being on meds. And as I listen to people who don’t have many rainbow- colored days, it makes me feel sad and, admittedly, bad because I have it so good now.

Two nights ago, my hubby and I watched a movie on Netflix called Of Two Minds. In it there were a handful of people who were interviewed about living with bipolar. When we’d finished watching the movie, my hubby and I talked about how well it had been done and what our thoughts about it were.

We both came to the conclusion that, overall, it was a pretty sad movie. Only one out of the eight or nine interviewees was doing really well. The rest continued to struggle with this unrelenting disease which was keeping them from living a healthy, “normal” life. 

It made me sad. Why do I have it so good when so many others who struggle with this illness are fighting a daily battle just to stay on their feet? Am I wrong in holding out hope to others who struggle with bipolar because my story is the exception? What if the hope I hold out isn’t enough?

When I explained my feelings to my hubby, his response really got me to thinking. You see, my husband has fought his own battle in life, not one with mental illness, but with being overweight. Throughout his lifetime, my husband’s been on a roller coaster ride of losing and regaining, losing and regaining. 

What he shared with me made things a bit clearer. “Nici,” he said, “What if no one who’s ever lost weight has successfully kept if off? What would be the point of continuing to struggle with this problem in my own life?  If not even one single person has kept the weight off, there’d be nothing to be hopeful about.”

So there it is. Hope. I’m an advocate for the mentally ill because I understand how destructive and devastating of an illness, bipolar is. Yes, I have it really good, and maybe that’s the point. Having been someone who struggled for years before being diagnosed, I can hold out hope to others. Not false hope, but true hope—a hope that keeps me going on even the darkest of days. 

Now that I’m no longer in the grip of this monster, I can point the way and let people know that hope is a good thing and that no good thing will ever disappoint.

Romans 5:3-5

 . . . we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us. 

http://www.oftwomindsmovie.com/