your self-worth = your performance + other's opinions about you

Ironically, last night I thought of two great subjects for this week’s blog post, but do you think I can remember either of them this morning. Absolutely not. I need to learn to write my ideas down before they fly away, and I’m left without a single thing to write about. Well, I must carry on. This one’s gonna be a shot in the dark, people. Bear with me, I’m sure it’ll go somewhere good in the end. At least I hope so.

Ahhaa, just as I was writing the above, one of the ideas flew back into my head. I’m learning that it pays to write random thoughts until my brain can finally grasp onto something that might be worth sharing.

The Search for Significance. It’s a book, written by Robert S. McGee. I have only read this book twice in my lifetime, but it has changed my viewpoint drastically. This is a book that was recommended to me by a counselor I met with shortly after I had been diagnosed. Ten years later, I find myself re-reading it, realizing it’s as applicable for me today as it was back then.  

While he didn’t know it at the time, this counselor was giving me the assignment of a lifetime. It was exactly what I needed to learn.

You see, after reading this book I realized that there was a certain lie I had believed for most of my life. A lie that made me miserable in so many ways:

My Self-worth = My performance + Others’ Opinions [About Me]

At first glance, it may seem like an inconsequential equation, maybe even nonsense. But if you’re anything like me you come to realize that this statement rings with a whole lot of deceit.

One of the topics I had discussed with my counselor was my propensity to base my self-worth on my performance and others’ opinions about me. When my counselor released me from meeting with him, he encouraged me to read Search. At the time the book’s subject was exactly what I needed to hear. And ten years later, I must confess, its lessons are just as valuable today.

When McGee writes about this topic of building our self worth on the approval of others or on our performance, he demonstrates that we’re missing the whole point of our existence. 

We are not valuable because of others’ good opinions. Nor are we valuable because we perform well. Our true value is based on what God says about us. We are His prized possession, so precious to Him that He would sacrifice everything; even the Son He loved most, to bring us back to Him.  

Does this nonsensical equation consume your thoughts as much as they did mine?

Your self-worth = your performance + others’ opinions [about you].

Stop believing it. This lie will have you chasing your tail the rest of your days leaving you exhausted and hopeless. Throw off this lie that your self-worth = your performance + others’ opinions [about you]. It’s a formula for disaster. It will never leave you satisfied. 

To quote from McGee’s book, “Our value is not dependent on our ability to earn the fickle acceptance of people, but rather, its true source is the love and acceptance of God. He created us. He alone knows how to fulfill all of our needs.”

 

Amen, to that brother. Amen to that.

https://www.google.com/#q=search+for+significance

Tough Times

 . . . it is very well worthwhile to be tormented for two or three years of one’s life, for the sake of being able to read all the rest of it. ~Jane Austen

 

Tormented. Strong word, huh? Tormented. I don’t know about you, but there have been times in my life when that is exactly how I’ve felt; tormented. During those times God seemed to be in a land far, far away while I was left wandering in the desert, desperately searching for an oasis.

Pre-diagnosis days were truly tormenting. While I was stumbling through the darkness, I happened upon the above quote from Jane Austen. Her wording captured how I felt then and what I’ve learned about myself now. Though I hated the tough times, there were so many good things that came from them. 

When you’re suffering and God seems far off, it feels as though He doesn’t care, not one little bit. But I want to encourage you today to look at suffering a little bit differently, reflecting on what is really going on. 

Hebrews 12:10-11 For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always right and good for us because it means we will share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it is painful! But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. (NLT) 

Those last two sentences truly said everything my thirsting soul needed to hear at the time. I clung to them like a drowning man grasping on to a life preserver. 

In this excerpt from Pools, I reflect back on how the worst times of my life were actually the most productive: 

“Basically it comes down to this. I am thankful that I am bipolar. No, you don’t need to get reading glasses, you read it correctly, I’m thankful to be bipolar. There are so many good things that have happened in my life as a result of this illness. A lot of it has been character development, learning to be hopeful, patient, humble, kind. All of these things are learned best, I believe, in the crucible of life, in the ‘Valley of Weeping.’” 

  

A week ago or so, we were meeting with our small group when this whole concept of trials came up. Many of us agreed that, though we hate them, the periods in our lives when our suffering has been most keen are the times we have clung to God and His Word like never before.

It’s in the good times that’s it’s easy to forget about God. So rejoice that you are struggling. God is doing a great work in your heart—a work that is making you, not only who you want to be, but, more importantly, who He wants you to be.

do the next thing

As I’ve been working on my memoir there are times when I’ve felt completely overwhelmed. It is such a huge process requiring time, dedication and hard work.

When I was a teacher I remember feeling that way as well. Each morning, I would go through my plans for the day and nearly panic at the thought of trying to get it all done. In fact, I often found myself feeling unequal to the tasks at hand. 

That’s when I learned something very important—four simple yet profound words that would be my guide and compass even on the busiest of days; Do the next thing. These words from Elizabeth Elliot forever changed the way I operated in the midst of overwhelming circumstances. 

Do the next thing. 

There’s so much wisdom in those four simple words. As a person who typically freaks out when I have too many things on my plate, this quote, time and again, has pulled me out of the fray. Simple, yet, stunningly powerful guidance: 

Do the next thing.

I can’t tell you how many times that straightforward instruction has gotten me through feeling so overwhelmed that I, literally, didn’t know where to start and, consequently, didn’t want to make a beginning of anything.

There’s a story in the Bible that also speaks to this feeling of being overwhelmed by one’s work. It’s the story of David who’s giving advice to his son, Solomon, who has been commissioned to build a temple for the Lord: 

Then David [said], Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don’t be afraid or discouraged by the size of the task, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. He will see to it that all the work related to the Temple of the Lord is finished correctly. (NLT)1 Chronicles 28:20

Very wise words spoken to a son who faced the seemingly insurmountable task of building a temple for the Lord—a task that would take seven years to complete. 

You see, David had passed along all of the instructions God had given him for the building of the temple. He knew that the time, commitment and dedication it was going to take might overwhelm his son, so he offered an expanded version of, “Do the next thing”; “Be strong and courageous and do the work.” 

Since I have no idea how hectic or overwhelming your day has been, or will be, let me offer you two pieces of advice. No matter how stressed out you may feel remember two important things; do the next thing and be strong and courageous and do the work. For me, it works like a charm every time.