Tough Times

 . . . it is very well worthwhile to be tormented for two or three years of one’s life, for the sake of being able to read all the rest of it. ~Jane Austen

 

Tormented. Strong word, huh? Tormented. I don’t know about you, but there have been times in my life when that is exactly how I’ve felt; tormented. During those times God seemed to be in a land far, far away while I was left wandering in the desert, desperately searching for an oasis.

Pre-diagnosis days were truly tormenting. While I was stumbling through the darkness, I happened upon the above quote from Jane Austen. Her wording captured how I felt then and what I’ve learned about myself now. Though I hated the tough times, there were so many good things that came from them. 

When you’re suffering and God seems far off, it feels as though He doesn’t care, not one little bit. But I want to encourage you today to look at suffering a little bit differently, reflecting on what is really going on. 

Hebrews 12:10-11 For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always right and good for us because it means we will share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it is painful! But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. (NLT) 

Those last two sentences truly said everything my thirsting soul needed to hear at the time. I clung to them like a drowning man grasping on to a life preserver. 

In this excerpt from Pools, I reflect back on how the worst times of my life were actually the most productive: 

“Basically it comes down to this. I am thankful that I am bipolar. No, you don’t need to get reading glasses, you read it correctly, I’m thankful to be bipolar. There are so many good things that have happened in my life as a result of this illness. A lot of it has been character development, learning to be hopeful, patient, humble, kind. All of these things are learned best, I believe, in the crucible of life, in the ‘Valley of Weeping.’” 

  

A week ago or so, we were meeting with our small group when this whole concept of trials came up. Many of us agreed that, though we hate them, the periods in our lives when our suffering has been most keen are the times we have clung to God and His Word like never before.

It’s in the good times that’s it’s easy to forget about God. So rejoice that you are struggling. God is doing a great work in your heart—a work that is making you, not only who you want to be, but, more importantly, who He wants you to be.

in the darkness of his hand

In the Darkness of His Hand

Spring, 1999

Today, while I was walking out of school, I saw a butterfly trapped in the building.  It was trying to escape by beating itself against a closed window.  Feeling sorry for the little guy, I decided to carry it to freedom.  As I took the butterfly in my hands, I felt pain for it.   I knew it was scared.  It couldn’t understand what I was doing.  But, once I got outside the building and let it go, it floated happily away.

Sometimes, I feel like that butterfly.  Beating myself against a closed window, I try in vain to find my way to freedom.  Then, a hand encloses me and carries me off.  Does the One who holds me in His hand feel pain for me, knowing that I don’t really understand what He’s doing; that I’m scared and confused in the darkness of His hand?  Does He feel for me even though his plan means the difference between life and death?

I’m sure that butterfly wasn’t asking for a trip outside that day.  But I also know that if I hadn’t carried it off, it would have been lying dead in the windowsill the next morning.  I also know that, were God to ask me, I would choose a different path to freedom.  

Tonight, when I went to unload my car, the exact same type of butterfly was sitting on my hood.  I just stared in silent disbelief.   In that moment I knew that it was trying to tell me something.  But whether it was saying, “Thank you,” or telling me that freedom is worth the price you pay to get to it, I don’t know.  Maybe it was saying both. 

tubthumping

Back in the day, when life was pretty tough there was a song that was popular that was sort of inspirational for me. “Tubthumping”, by chumbawamba. Recognize it? Just in case you don’t, I’ll give you a hint. It’s also known as the “I get knocked down” song. But when I took a look at the lyrics this morning, I had to laugh as I discovered that the song is really about a drunken splurge or fest. Doesn’t matter. The chorus was all I needed to hear. “I get knocked down but I get up again,” became my mantra through those difficult days. The truth is, I did feel as though I was getting “knocked down” on all sides as I’m sure many of you have felt before. How’s that saying go? Trouble always comes in threes, or when it rains it pours. They really seem true. But maybe there’s a reason for that.

As I’m typing this, I’m thinking of the story of Job. You know the guy. The man of complete integrity, blameless, one who feared God and stayed away from evil. God was proud of him. He loved him. So what did he do? Throw a royal reception for him? Bless him with gifts galore? Honor him before the world? Nope, none of the above. In fact, what happened next might completely blow your mind. God allowed the rug to be pulled out from beneath Job’s feet and he lost everything. Everything.  What’s so puzzling about this is that it seems so inconsistent with how God felt about Job.

Who convinces God to test Job, to allow horrible things to happen in his life? None other than the Accuser, Satan. Perhaps the most interesting detail about this story is what happens behind the curtain, in the throne room of God. The very first chapter of Job describes how the angels are presenting themselves before the Lord. And not one to be left out, Satan shows up, too. When God asks him what he’s been doing, Satan tells God that he’s been roaming throughout the world watching everything that is going on.

 What happens next is the golden part of this story, God has something to brag about – his servant, his son, Job. As God is boasting about Job, Satan is concocting a plan; one that will screw up Job’s world – turn it upside down. He asks God for permission to take everything away from Job. In fact, he almost taunts God with this challenge. “Take away everything [Job] has, and he will surely curse you to your face!” (Job 1:11)

So God allows the test, and Satan greedily and hungrily gets to work. The first item on his agenda is to take away Job’s livestock and farmhands. Next, come the sheep and shepherds. Then Job’s camels and servants. Last, but not least, Satan hits Job with a gut wrenching punch by killing all of his sons and daughters. And that’s not even the worst part. The real kicker is that all of this happens on the same day, within a matter of hours. After he’s received all of this news, Job does what God expected him to, what God hoped he would do. He humbles himself before the One who has given him everything. Rather than curse God, Job accepts this test. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away he says.

Still, Satan isn’t satisfied. As if he hasn’t already done enough, he arrives in the throne room of God with a new challenge. Strike Job physically, Satan sneers and, “he will surely curse you to your face” (Genesis 2:4). God allows it and Job is stricken with a terrible case of boils from head to toe. At this point, even Job’s wife tries to persuade him to curse God and die. But Job stands firm and in all of what occurs he maintains his integrity saying, “Shall we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?”

Seems that Job went through a lot, too much maybe. Maybe you feel this way – that God has dealt you one too many blows. You wouldn’t be the first person to think that, nor will you be the last. It is a tough world. Bad things happen. Bad things happen to good people. And it’s true in the case of Job. He was a good man; a man of complete integrity. So, why the attacks? Why did God allow Job to suffer so much?

Wish there was an easy answer to that question, but the truth is there’s not. But I think it’s important to remember a few things. God wasn’t displeased with Job. He wasn’t punishing him. He loved Job. He was proud of him. The next time you face a trial, a knock-down punch, remember Job. Take a peek behind the curtain of heaven and read once again this unfolding and fascinating story; the story of a man who lost everything. Think about how proud God was of him. Maybe God isn’t cursing you. Maybe He’s testing you. Maybe He’s proud of you too and wants to show you off, not only to the Accuser, but to the rest of the world as well.

2 Corinthians 4: 8-10 We are hard pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don’t give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going.  (NLT)