it's crazy how time flies

Today, I sit before my computer contemplating my future. I am so excited for this new chapter I’m entering into. Being a stay-at-home mom was an answer to prayer, but I have to admit there were times when I felt insignificant and alone. Parenting is no easy job, whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or a working mom. I would like to say that I have a vast wealth of knowledge to share with you now that my youngest is in kindergarten. But I really don’t. Nevertheless, here are some lessons I’ve learned along the way.

Kids grow up. Way too fast. I know that seems like a worn out cliché, but it is a truth that rings with 100% certainty. I look back now and it’s hard to believe that my little babies are both in school. I’m left wondering; How did this happen so fast? Just the other day, I was cuddling them while I fed them; rocking them to sleep with sweet lullabies and holding them close. Those oh-so-sweet moments passed by in the blink of an eye. And while I’m ready to move forward, I understand how critical it is to enjoy each stage, even the hard ones. 

Don’t take a single day for granted. Despite how it feels in the moment, like it’s dragging on forever, it all ends so quickly. Cherish the days you have with your little one. 

If you’re a new mom or soon to be, please remember this. Cuddle, hold, love on your child as often as you can—even if the sink is full of dirty dishes, the dust is inches thick, and your living room is a minefield of toys. Never mind. None of that matters, not in terms of eternity. What does matter is that your little one needs you. Hold them tight. It may be the most important thing you do all day. 

Here’s another piece of advice; don’t spend your time in regret or self-doubt. Of course you’re going to make mistakes. But that’s okay. You’ll learn from them. When my oldest was born it was a tough adjustment.  It was hard to have him at the center of my world. Up to this point, life had been all about me. Even now, I look back and wish I would have made the most of those first days. But I’ve learned from them and am intentional about spending time with my not-so-little ones now.  Don’t look back with regret, move forward and focus on what you have before you now. It will make you a better parent.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Yea, I know another tired cliché but it’s so true. I sweated over so many problems; potty training, my daughter walking on her tip toes for over two years, my son’s junk food phase. I wondered and worried about all of it thinking these problems would never be resolved. And guess what. They were. Just like that. Even the most miserable experiences will be forgotten. Even now, I have times when I worry, but I’m learning to see each stage as a phase and trust that, eventually, things will get going in the right direction.

Last but not least, keep your eye on eternity. Remember that your children are a gift from God—entrusted to you—for however many days God gives you. Remember that God is their Father. He will take care of them, He will watch over them. Most importantly of all, He will help you to train them up in the way they should go. Remember the end goal; keep it always in mind. And when you feel lost in a mountain of laundry, or steeped in guilt because of a bad decision—feeling like you’re doing everything wrong, just keep at it. It will turn out right in the end. That’s God’s promise, not mine.

Proverbs 22:6

English Standard Version (ESV)

⁶ Train up a child in the way he should go;
    even when he is old he will not depart from it.

a sabbatical of sorts

²sabbatical

noun
3
: a break or change from a normal routine (as of employment)

 

Now that my years of being a stay-at-home mom are coming to an end, I’ve been reflecting on them a bit more. Next year, my baby, my Katie, will be going to kindergarten. I will miss her, but there is a part of me that is very excited as this new chapter in my life begins. But, as I look forward to the future, I’m also glancing back at the past. What’s come across my thoughts most is that these eight years have been a sabbatical of sorts. Now, don’t get me wrong. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t crazy busy and that it wasn’t hard, but it was a different kind of busy, a different kind of hard. A hard that helped shape the way I think about life.

 

We’re all so busy, aren’t we? Life is so helter-skelter these days, like a merry-go-round that never stops. Running here, rushing there. Laundry, shopping crammed into the week-end. Skipping from the soccer game to the baseball field. So. Many.Things. vie for our attention day after day. But being a stay-at-home mom I was able to step back from all of that. It was a gift to be still and silent, set apart from all the craziness that is life.  I gained some perspective. I learned what was important in life and what was “small potatoes.”

 

~Dull women have immaculate homes.

 

I didn’t come up with this quote, though I wish I had. No, my mother-in-law’s neighbor did. An elderly woman gave this to my mom-in-law at a time when it was much needed. It was as if she were looking back on her life and sharing the wisdom she had gained. I have to admit that when I first read these words I was offended. What did that mean; dull women have immaculate homes. I kept my house immaculate. Did that make me dull?

 

But now, I get it. I understand the good sense behind those words. In fact, when I step over piles of toys, or stare at dust inches thick, these words are like balm to my soul.  Through all the stages of life things get messy as babies grow into toddlers, and toddlers grow into preschoolers. Being a stay-at-home mom is anything but dull.

 

In my early years of staying at home, I really struggled. As a teacher, I was used to being on my feet all day. I had purpose oozing out of my pores. I knew my position in life. What my calling was. What I was meant to be.

 

Then, along came Jack, our first, sweet baby. Now, my days were full, but they were full of seemingly insignificant things; diaper changes, bottle feedings, late nights rocking him to sleep. And I have to admit, I was bored. I’d lived my life in the limelight, so to speak. Now, the only one watching me during the day was my dog--who wasn’t very helpful in the conversation realm of things. All of this made me wonder, what was my purpose now?

 

Looking back, however, these days were some of the sweetest of my life. I got to be out of the hustle and bustle that is part of our world these days. Slowing down. Cherishing moments. Savoring the present. Sure, being a stay-at-home mom was no picnic, but there was a great sense of satisfaction in raising two children, and as they got older it just became more fun.

 

Now that I’m moving forward into the future, I feel like I’ve learned to breathe again. I feel rested. I feel rejuvenated. I’m ready to move into the next chapter of my life. My sabbatical, all eight years of it, were such a blessing to me, and I’m so thankful to God for them.

 

I hope that you, too, get to experience a type of sabbatical, even if it’s just a moment of quiet in the midst of a hectic day. The days of having children are too precious to wish away. Enjoy them. Savor them. Because, before you know it, they will be gone.   

Meet Me in St. Louis - Part Three

Ready for Part Three? After all, the best stories always come in threes, don’t they? Part One of this silly story was about my discovery that the writing workshop I was attending was in St. Louis and not Seward, NE. Part Two was about what I experienced on my flight to St. Louis. So without further ado, the much anticipated Part Three of Meet Me in St. Louis.

Ever since my adventures in St. Louis, I’ve realized something about myself. I am a worrier. Well, actually I’ve always realized this, but it became even more clear once I’d returned home from my travels. You see, while I was in St. Louis it was a step-by-step thing. I was already so overwhelmed by being there in the first place that I had to take it one moment at a time.

From the beginning of this crazy adventure, I leaned on God like I hadn’t for a long time. When I was still a swinging single, I was used to doing things on my own. I was much more independent with a “ready for anything” kind of attitude. That’s the way it was because that’s the way it had to be. Since becoming a stay-at-home mom, my boundaries and my carefree spirit have shrunk considerably. I feel secure in my home with my kids and the routine that I’ve established. A routine that is so familiar, so safe, so comfortable. Problem is, when I’m in my comfort zone, it’s easy to forget what it’s like to depend on God for everything.

So you might say that this trip gave me a little kick in the pants. That’s okay. It was a kick in the pants that I needed. Depending on God throughout this adventure was the only way I could deal with how overwhelmed I felt. And just to set the record straight - God did not disappoint.

When I got off the plane, I faced my first challenge – finding a cab. Turns out it was pretty easy. It doesn’t hurt that I have a husband who travels to St. Louis frequently. He gave me tips to make the journey as painless as possible. Things like writing down the address for the driver. Asking if he took credit cards. Yup, didn’t hurt that my hubby had gone this route a few times.

When I arrived on campus, my first task was to find a place to eat. Knowing nothing about the area, I thought it would be best to eat at the school’s cafeteria. Problem being, who would I sit by? I walked into the cafeteria praying for a place to sit that wouldn’t make me feel so conspicuous. Taking a deep breath, I stepped into the seating area and looked around. There were several groups of people sitting together, but there was one man sitting alone. I felt a prompting to go sit by him, but the chicken in me didn’t want to take the risk. Then, aaaw, what the heck. I’m already way out of my comfort zone why not take another step? So I sat down across the table from him and introduced myself. While we made small talk, I couldn’t help noticing that he had a name tag on. Out of curiousity I asked him what he was on campus for. Even before he responded, I knew what he was going to say, he was here for the same faith and writing workshop that I was.

Coincidence? I think not. From then on, this pastor and I became friends. Since I had no idea how to get to the class, he led the way to the building and room where it was being held. Once we reached the classroom, he offered me the use of his extension cord which in my flurry of packing, I’d forgotten.

On the last night before the workshop ended, he told me a story. He had prayed to find a friend at the workshop - someone he could chat with, especially about writing. Turns out I was the answer to that prayer. Just think, if I hadn’t gone over and sat by him, the story would have turned out much differently.

From the moment I sat down for lunch next to a complete stranger, until I got back on that plane home, I did my best to following the promptings of God. And you know what? It was an amazing adventure. From finding this little café a block away from campus where they made a mean fruit and yogurt parfait (fresh mint in it – remarkable), to sitting next to one of the sweetest woman I’ve ever known, to getting the chance to visit an amazing family that I’ve known for many years; God provided. And the thing is, I could relax because God being God, I didn’t need to worry that he wouldn’t take care of my needs.

You know what I discovered - the really cool part of the whole trip? God was as faithful then as he’d been when I was single. And it made me wonder - how had I managed to forget this one important fact; that God is faithful. My theory? I don’t need God in the everyday, ordinary things of life. I’m in control. I get through my days just fine on my own. No help needed.

Only problem is, that’s not exactly true. It doesn’t matter if I’m sitting in a Faith and Writing Workshop in St. Louis, or cooking dinner in my small town Nebraska home - God is always God. And, whether I recognize it or not, God is faithful. Always. Everyday. No matter what.

So I’ll wrap up my trilogy here. The biggest lesson I learned from this whole experience? Just because I know my way around town, or get all my food needs met at the grocery store, or live the same routine day after day doesn’t mean God isn’t working wonders in my life. And it’s not his fault if I fail to recognize them for what they are. So, maybe I’ll step out of my comfort zone a little more realizing that God is working his “little miracles” in my life everyday. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll remember to be oh-so-grateful that he is.

Step by Step

Well, what should I write about today?  Jack had his tonsils out last Thursday so he and I have been out of commission for a week. Feels good to sit back in my chair and let my thoughts flow onto paper, or, in this case, screen. Anyway, here goes. 

Been thinking about my future - what will happen when I finally head back to "work" and by work I mean the kind where you actually leave your house, do your job, and get paid. I've done work these past seven years, without pay or sick leave, mind you, but I have to admit it's been kind of fun. Being master of my own domain, setting my own schedule, taking coffee breaks with friends. Yea, it hasn't been all bad.

So what do I do now? After six years of being a stay-at-home mom, I feel kind of out of the groove. Should I go back and teach, or work part time, or get an "easy gig" where I can put in my hours at work and not have the bother of bringing more home.

Sometimes I feel sorry for my hubby. I know he wouldn't want me to, but he goes through a lot of stress at his job. I have stress but it's a different kind. I don't have anybody but myself to answer to.  I don't have anyone breathing down my neck to get this or that done. I don't have to worry about if I'm doing this right or that wrong. Well I take that back, I worry a lot about whether I'm doing a good job raising my kids, but those are manageable worries. I can control even those thoughts. 

I know that one of the reasons that I am so stable and relatively anxiety free have, in part, been due to the fact that I don't have a job outside the home.  Like I've already said, I am master of my own domain. I can do what I want, when I want, and how I want to do it.

 When I go back to work will I be able to handle the stress, or will anxiety once again be breathing down my neck paralyzing me with its constant nagging. So what do I want to do when I grow up? If you told me I could write and get paid for it I'd be all about that. I love to write. Love, Love, Love it! At this point I'm leaving that in God's hands praying and knowing that he'll guide me to the place or places I need to be.

 Hope you feel guided in your life, too.  Do you every feel a little bit disgusted that God doesn't give us a road map to point out the way - where we should be going and how we're going to get there.  I know I could use a big neon sign that told me exactly what to do.  But that's not the way life works is it? Because, after all, we're supposed to be living by faith; the faith that is sure of what it hopes for and certain of what it does not see. (Hebrews 11:1)

 Abraham lived with this kind of faith. So did all of our Christian ancestors. Nobody got to see what was in store for them. You and I are in good company. Living by faith is hard, but I do believe it will be worth it when we enter into heaven. Then, all our questions will be answered and we'll find out that we were being led in the right direction all along. So take heart, we're being guided by a Master who takes us step by step as we follow his lead. I'll finish with one of my favorite quotes - a quote that reminds me to take life one step at a time.



Lead, kindly light . . keep thou my feet ; I do not ask to see the distant scene one step enough for me. (John Henry Newman)