Step by Step

Well, what should I write about today?  Jack had his tonsils out last Thursday so he and I have been out of commission for a week. Feels good to sit back in my chair and let my thoughts flow onto paper, or, in this case, screen. Anyway, here goes. 

Been thinking about my future - what will happen when I finally head back to "work" and by work I mean the kind where you actually leave your house, do your job, and get paid. I've done work these past seven years, without pay or sick leave, mind you, but I have to admit it's been kind of fun. Being master of my own domain, setting my own schedule, taking coffee breaks with friends. Yea, it hasn't been all bad.

So what do I do now? After six years of being a stay-at-home mom, I feel kind of out of the groove. Should I go back and teach, or work part time, or get an "easy gig" where I can put in my hours at work and not have the bother of bringing more home.

Sometimes I feel sorry for my hubby. I know he wouldn't want me to, but he goes through a lot of stress at his job. I have stress but it's a different kind. I don't have anybody but myself to answer to.  I don't have anyone breathing down my neck to get this or that done. I don't have to worry about if I'm doing this right or that wrong. Well I take that back, I worry a lot about whether I'm doing a good job raising my kids, but those are manageable worries. I can control even those thoughts. 

I know that one of the reasons that I am so stable and relatively anxiety free have, in part, been due to the fact that I don't have a job outside the home.  Like I've already said, I am master of my own domain. I can do what I want, when I want, and how I want to do it.

 When I go back to work will I be able to handle the stress, or will anxiety once again be breathing down my neck paralyzing me with its constant nagging. So what do I want to do when I grow up? If you told me I could write and get paid for it I'd be all about that. I love to write. Love, Love, Love it! At this point I'm leaving that in God's hands praying and knowing that he'll guide me to the place or places I need to be.

 Hope you feel guided in your life, too.  Do you every feel a little bit disgusted that God doesn't give us a road map to point out the way - where we should be going and how we're going to get there.  I know I could use a big neon sign that told me exactly what to do.  But that's not the way life works is it? Because, after all, we're supposed to be living by faith; the faith that is sure of what it hopes for and certain of what it does not see. (Hebrews 11:1)

 Abraham lived with this kind of faith. So did all of our Christian ancestors. Nobody got to see what was in store for them. You and I are in good company. Living by faith is hard, but I do believe it will be worth it when we enter into heaven. Then, all our questions will be answered and we'll find out that we were being led in the right direction all along. So take heart, we're being guided by a Master who takes us step by step as we follow his lead. I'll finish with one of my favorite quotes - a quote that reminds me to take life one step at a time.



Lead, kindly light . . keep thou my feet ; I do not ask to see the distant scene one step enough for me. (John Henry Newman)