that crazy memory

Ecclesiastes 12:1a Remember your Creator in the days of your youth. 

I don’t know about you but I have a terrible memory.  The kind where I go to tell someone something, but mid-sentence I forget what it is that I was going to say. Or I go upstairs for something, and by the time I’ve reached the second floor, I’m completely clueless about why I climbed those stairs.  So frustrating! I chalk it up to being the busy mom of two kids.  At least that sounds like a good excuse.

I don’t think I’m the only one who struggles with short term memory or long term memory loss for that matter.  Apparently, we as humans have very short-lived memories.   There are several places in the Bible where God tells us to remember things – important things.  The above verse that I started out with is probably one of my favorites when it comes to the reminder to recall all that God has done for us. 

The verse comes from Ecclesiastes a book that was written by one of the greatest men who ever lived – King Solomon.  Remember that guy?  He was the one who asked for wisdom when God promised to grant him any request.  God was so pleased with his request that he made a special promise to Solomon. 

“Since you asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked.  I will give you a wise and discerning heart so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be.  Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for – both riches and honor – so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings.” 

Guess what?  God kept his promise.  In time Solomon became so famous that even the queen of Sheba came to visit him. (1 Kings 10:1)  God was faithful to his word.  See, it’s not God who has trouble remembering.  No, God isn’t the forgetful one.  We are.  Even Solomon had a poor memory.  At the height of his glory, Solomon had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines.  Many of them worshipped foreign gods.  God had warned the Israelites about this – that if they intermarried with other nations, their hearts would surely turn away from Him.  And in Solomon’s case that’s exactly what happened. 

1 Kings 11:4  As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God as the heart of David his father had been.

Even the wisest man who ever lived forgot to remember.  Throughout the Bible there are examples of man’s forgetful nature.  And in my own life, I’ve found one thing to be very true, it’s when things are going fine that it’s easiest to forget about God.

Psalm 1:45 Though your riches increase do not set your heart on them. 

When I was going through some rough times, I believed that better times were coming, I just didn’t know when they would come.  But before I even got there, God planted this truth in my heart.  It was like he was telling me, times will get better, but don’t forget about me.  I don’t know about you but it’s much easier to forget about God when things are going well.  When life is tough and rough and down-right dirty, those are the times when I cling to him like crazy. 

But what about now, now that things are better for me.  I have to admit it takes more discipline to pray and read scripture.  See, I don’t really feel like I need God when things are going well.  Life is smooth, easy, not a cloud in the sky.  That’s why God told me – “Though your riches increase do not set your heart on them.”

I’ll close with one last thought, one last story from the Bible.  It’s about those Israelites, those dog-gone Israelites. Theirs is another great example of how easy it is to forget about God.  He’d led the Israelites out of the desert and into the Promised Land.  Keeping his vow to give them this land “flowing with milk and honey”, God went before them and routed out their enemies. He didn’t forget.  Unfortunately, for the Israelites, they did. Yup, they failed to recall all that God had done for them.  He’d led them through the Dead Sea, pummeled the Egyptians who were chasing them, given them manna from heaven and water from the most unlikely places but still they forgot.  God remembered just like he always does.  They forgot just like they always did.  Much like we do today.

So learn a lesson from those dog-gone Israelites, and from the wisdom of Solomon’s pen.  Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, because I’ll guarantee he hasn’t forgotten you. 

Goodness Again

 . . . it is very well worthwhile to be tormented for two or three years of one’s life, for the sake of being able to read all the rest of it. ~ Jane Austen

1.   Tormented past participle, past tense of tor·ment (Verb)

Verb:

1.   Cause to experience severe mental or physical suffering: "he was tormented by jealousy".

Have you ever felt this way?  Tormented.  I think it’s safe to say that in the human experience, we all have felt this distressed at one time or another.  I know I have - especially in terms of my mental illness.  Life was pretty miserable for me before I was diagnosed.  On bad days it was all I could do just to swing my legs out of bed, place them on the floor, and drag myself into the day.  No, I sure didn’t wake up feeling like sunshine and hop to my feet eager to face the day.  Those were my bad days.  On my really bad days, suicide was constantly at the back of my mind.  I contemplated it, and the only thing that kept me moving was the knowledge that God didn’t mean for my story to end like that – he had a better ending planned.

I don’t know about anyone else, but while I struggled through those dark days, one book of the Bible was a vast source of hope, comfort, and refuge - the book of Psalms.  I especially loved the ones penned by the shepherd-king, David.  Many, many of his psalms were ones of anguish, confusion, and suffering.  I could relate to those things.  The fact that he was mentioned as a man after God’s own heart gave me comfort too.  Just because he was named as such didn’t mean he was afraid to ask the bigger questions of God – why this suffering, this pain, why was this his lot to bear?  If David who was a man after God’s own heart could ask tough questions, so could I.  God wasn’t going to abandon me or turn away from me. 

In fact running away from him and hiding was exactly the opposite of what I believe God wanted me to do.  I got the feeling that God would rather I pound him with my fists than run away and hide.   And that’s exactly what David did.  If you know the history of this king, you know that his life was anything but easy.  So when it came to asking the tough questions of God, he didn’t hold back.  In psalm after psalm, David exposed his pain out of a heart filled with anguish.  One of my favorite psalms written by him is Psalm 27.  I could write the entire thing it’s so good, but instead I’ll just share two key verses. 

Psalm 27: 13-14  I am . . . confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

And that’s exactly what I did.  I waited for the Lord, expecting an answer, anticipating an end to the suffering – waiting for his goodness to rain down on me as welcome as a spring shower falling on a dry and parched land.  So many years later I am happy to report that welcome rain has fallen on my life.  I’m on good meds. I have a faithful and loving husband who has stuck with me through the ups and downs of living with bipolar.  I have two beautiful children.  Most importantly, I have a faithful, loving God who has brought much goodness into my life. 

If you’re feeling hopeless, if you don’t think you can make it through one more day, hold on.  Don’t give up.  Don’t give in.  Believe.  Just believe.  Jane Austen had it right.  Being tormented for a brief time is worth all the pain you endure, because you are able to “read the rest of life” in many unexpected ways.  Or as a good track coach once said to me, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”  They both had it right.  Most of all, King David had it right.  You will see the goodness of the Lord again.  And when you need to pound your fists on God, do it.  Don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions.  I’m pretty sure he’s big enough to handle them. 

A Mockingbird

Psalm 139:13-14 For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, and I know that full well. 

I’m pretty good at bird calls.  I make a mean goose call, and you should hear my whippoorwill song.  I can screech with the best of the hawks, and my owl hoot?  Well, don’t even get me started.   Confession time -  everything I’ve written up to this point has not exactly been true.  Oh, who am I kidding, it’s all a lie.  But, I’m trying to make a point here, so stick with me for a few moments. 

When I say I’m good at bird calls, I’m really not.  But, what I am good at is imitating people.  No, I’m not talking about the Saturday Night Live type of caricatures, but another kind that’s not so healthy.  Let me start with an example.  In high school, I sang in both the choir and show choir for three years.  My second year I was voted most valuable junior.  This was all great, but there was something going on that wasn’t so great.  The problem?  I could make my voice sound like anyone else’s.  When I’d sing, I’d pick a voice around me and sing in just that way; same tone, pitch, timing etc.  I was so busy trying to copy someone else’s voice that I never figured out what my own was.   

Lately, I’ve realized that I’m good at emulating others - especially people I admire.  If so and so thinks that flying kites in the rain is a good idea, than so do I.  Even if it’s really not.  What’s so bad about copying other people, you might think, especially if their ideas and ideals are basically good ones?  While I don’t think it’s bad to want to pattern myself after someone, I still can’t help wondering one important truth;  if I’m so busy trying to become something I’m not, then I’m not really becoming the someone I am meant to be. 

 God’s been teaching me that sometimes I just need to stand on my own two feet - to figure out what I believe.  I’m not saying that I can’t learn from others, but what I am saying is this; God made me one-of-a-kind unique.  There’s no one else like me in the whole wide world – the snowflake effect.  So why do I try so hard to be someone or something that I’m not?   

Maybe it’s because of envy.  So and so seems so much smarter, important, educated, wise.  I’m just, well, little old me.  To be honest, I don’t really think that’s my issue though.  My problem stems more from a feeling of inferiority. I don’t think I can do it.  My opinions aren’t good enough.  My thoughts, my ideas, my feelings aren’t worthy enough.  I have to admit I’m a pretty simple person.  I don’t concern myself with things that are too great for me to understand.  In fact, sometimes I feel a little too simple.  Whenever I start to feel this way God reminds me of one very important truth. I’m not meant to be anyone else.    

How about you, you one-of-a-kind snowflake?  Do you believe that you are fearfully and wonderfully made?  If you don’t, you might want to reevaluate.  Chances are you’re not appreciating the beautiful person that God has made you to be.  So do yourself a favor.  Figure out what your opinions, your ideals, your thoughts are.  Learn from others, but don’t blindly imitate them.  Be yourself, and let the voice you speak to the world be your own.