Our Great High Priest

Hebrews 4:14 That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus, the Son of God.  Let us cling to him and never stop trusting him.

Been contemplating this verse alot in the last few weeks.  My struggle, sometimes with Jesus, is thinking that he really didn't have it too hard while he was on earth.  I mean, he is the Son of God, how hard could it be?  He had all that power, all that authority.  It was easy for him to overcome temptation, right?  Well, maybe not.  In Hebrews 4:15, my bible translation reads. "This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations that we do, yet he did not sin."  What strikes me most in this verse is that word all.  Did you catch it?  Well, of course you had to because I bolded and italicized it.:) 

Jesus understands our weaknesses -  all of them.  Why?  Because he faced the same ones we do, the very ones that might be pulling at you right now, the temptation to despair, lie, cheat, steal, hate, mock, to disrespect, whatever it is, he's dealt with it.  Jesus considering lying?  Jesus considering mocking? -  after all he was mocked many times.  Betcha he could've flung out some good stingers himself.   Jesus giving in to the temptation to despair?  Look at the Garden of Gethsemane, he was very near the despair that would have drove him away from God's plan, made him run and hide, instead of face the will of his Father.  But he didn't run, he didn't hide, he didn't give in to despair.  He followed God's path all the way to the cross.  That's the  kind of guy I want on my team - someone who's blazed the trail before me and found the perfect path.   Someone who's "got my back," - a guy I can "cling to and never stop trusting."  Hope that's who you have on your team, too.

You are not alone.

Last night, I was lying in bed feeling rather blue about things, which if you've read my previous blog you'll understand why.  I felt this "thing" - a "thing" I can't explain that was drawing me into a vortex of isolationism.  I lay there feeling so alone, feeling so apart from everyone and everything else.  The temptation was to remain in that state.  To let myself fall deeper and deeper into this sense that, "I am all alone."  It was then that God's tiny little voice spoke to me, urging me to try something different, "Reach for help, you are not alone."  Four powerful words, huh?  You are not alone.  So, I did what was difficult - I reached out to my husband, my loving, blessed husband.  I curled up into his arms, tears falling down my cheeks, and he just held me.  He didn't offer advice, ask what was wrong, he just hugged me and whispered  those four, powerful words, "You are not alone."  It was all I needed to hear.  I stayed in his arms awhile longer, wiped my tears, then rolled over and went to sleep. 

We are not alone.  But, do we truly believe it?  When we are hurting, do we reach out for a loved one, a supporting friend, the Lord, the healer of all, Himself?  Why do we isolate ourselves when we're hurting?  Wouldn't the healing come that much more quickly if only we would allow someone else to share our burden?  How many times have you passed someone who greets you with,  "How are you?"  And what's your general response?  "I'm fine.  I'm good," even though inside you might be a mess, a walking time bomb. 

One of my purposes in starting this blog is to reach out to others, people like me -those with mental illness, and others, who are not fine, are not good, and who need to hear that they are not alone.  Maybe those who are literally walking time bombs, would not go off with such a violent bang, if they knew, they truly knew, that they were not alone.

Aaahhh, sweet sleep, why do you elude me?

It's 1:11 am.  Do you know where your pillow is?  Apparently, I do not.  Another crazy story to add to all the craziness going on in this blog.  I am having trouble urinating.  Nice way to start out a blog, wouldn't you say?  I've been having this trouble off and on for about 6-8 weeks.  Tomorrow, I go in to have an ultrasound done to make sure everything is physically okay with my bladder, kidneys etc.  I'm not really worried that there will be something wrong.  I'm more worried that there won't be something wrong. See, the problem is that I feel most of this issue is in my head.  I sit down to pee and it doesn't come out, so I get anxious.  Let's say I try about 30 minutes later, same problem.  Now the anxiety part is really kicking in.  The more anxious I become, the harder it becomes to urinate, the harder it becomes to urinate, the more anxious I become.  And . . . I think you can see where I'm going with this.   Talk about crazy!  When I go through something like this, I always try to remind myself that God's in control, that He will get me through this.  But, to be quite frank, God sometimes doesn't act quickly enough for me.  Why do things always have to be on His terms, anyway?  Okay, I'm not trying to spew out bitterness, just sharing some random thoughts.  The truth of the matter is, is that I feel that this is my fault.  That's the thing about mental illness - it's just so easy to feel that being mentally ill is your fault - that you're too weak to handle your own body, particularly your own brain.  I know that's how I feel sometimes, and I wonder how many other people out there  feel the same way.  If you're one of them, and you're up at 1:23 am - write me back, would ya?  I could use some company, and my pillow just doesn't seem to be doing it tonight.

the crazy life . . . or is it?

So, a couple of friends have persuaded me to start a blog.  I hate technology - hate it!  But, I love to write. So, therein lies the problem.  Do I conquer my technology fears in order to write something for others to read.  And, if I do write, what should it be about?  A friend shared that a blog should be a place where one shares their expertise in a particular area.  When I think about what I'm an expert at, only a few things come to mind.  Well, actually only one thing comes to mind.  What am I an expert at?  Really?  I'm an expert at being crazy.  Laugh, if you will, but it's true.  I am actually, certifiably, crazy.  Only a few of my close friends know this about me, so I can't believe that I'm sharing this with any and every person who will read this, but I have the bipolar disorder.  I am bipolar.  I hate admitting that to people.  I always feel so judged.  Mostly, it's because when someone commits a heinous crime, the comment is often made that they had/have some type of mental illness.  So, I fall into this category where if you're labeled it, you're often thought to be just plain "crazy."   But, I don't like labels, and, to be quite honest - I don't think anyone who has a mental illness should be judged by some label.  I live a fairly normal, stable life in a small community in the midwest.  I watch these terrible crimes that are commited and wonder what the person who committed the crime was thinking right before they carried out their act?  And, I'll tell you what,  I thank the Lord that I have been diagnosed, and medicated to the point that I am not sitting in a jail cell somewhere.  Because, let me tell you something, I could easily have been.  So, come along for the ride, if you will and let me share my "crazy" story of life with you.