Meet me in St. Louis; Part I

Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. Isaiah 64:4

This past week was an interesting one. Nothing worked out the way I’d planned, not one thing.  But, you know what? It turned out even better - better than I would have expected or imagined. But to get to the place I was going I had to learn to take an overwhelming situation one step at a time.

Monday found me packing to go to a faith and writing workshop at Concordia in Seward, NE. I have to admit I was pretty excited. Getting away for a few days to be something besides mommy sounded wonderful. Not only that, but I would have the opportunity to work on a craft that brings me so much pleasure – writing.  

Late afternoon I headed to my office and began to pack up my computer as well as the packet of information describing details of the workshop; the schedule, location, living accomodations, etc. As I was looking at a map of the campus my eyes strayed to the top line of the paper.  That’s when I noticed it.  A big noticed it – a notice that made my heart stop beating. Have I mentioned that the workshop was to take place at Concordia in Seward? It turns out I was wrong. The conference wasn’t in Seward, Ne. It was at Concorida all right, but not the one I was thinking of. Nope, this class was in St. Louis, on Corcordia’s Seminary campus. You may wonder how I could have missed that tiny little detail. Your guess is as good as mine, but I kinda wonder if all along this was a God thing.  You see, if I would have known when I registered for the class that it would be in St. Louis, I wouldn’t have signed up. Now it was too late. I’d already paid for the class.

Shaking my head, I stared at the page, hoping against hope that what I’d just read was wrong. In a panicked state I called my husband. “Well, Hon,” I started out, “I guess I’m not going to this workshop after all. “Why?” he seemed confused, “What happened?” “Oh, just one minor detail,” I responded, “The conference isn’t in Seward. It’s in St. Louis.”  His response was almost immediate, “Well, let’s see what flight we can get you on.” ‘What? Are you kidding me,’ I thought. But my husband persisted. He promised to look up flights and encouraged me to do the same. We hung up, did some research, and found a direct flight from Omaha to St. Louis. It would get me to the workshop a little late, but better late than never, right? Right.

I’ll admit that there was a BIG part of me that did not want to do this - fly on an airplane to a city I’d never visited. Here I was a stay-at-home-mom who hadn’t traveled by myself in years. Now I was being challenged to step out of my comfort zone, and I didn’t like it – not one bit. At that moment I decided something very important. The only way I was going to make this trip would be to take it one step at a time; beginning with the step of packing my suitcase.

My husband got me through step two - driving me to the airport where I hugged and kissed my family good-bye. Then gathering up my luggage, I took a deep breath and walked into the airport ready to face the next step. ‘St Louis here I come,’ I thought, ‘Ready or not.’

The Biggest Lie of All

Ephesians 1:4-5 Long ago, even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave him great pleasure.

Want to know what the biggest lie in the world is? God doesn’t love us. Not really. Not at all. He’s mostly just out to get us. Like when we misbehave, he’s there with a really big club ready to knock us over the head because we’re all such simple, little, slimy sinners. Is this a lie you’ve believed? Maybe it’s time to stop believing the lies and start thinking about the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Ephesians is a great book in the Bible. It just is because it’s filled with so much gospel and grace and redemption. My favorite part of this book is found in the 1^st chapter, Paul’s Prayer for Spiritual Wisdom.  It’s kind of a long prayer so I’ll just share some highlights. 

I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the wonderful future he has promised to those he called. vs18

What does God really want us to know? How much he loves us. 

Ephesians 3:17 And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him.  May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love.  And may you have power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, and how deep his love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great your will never fully understand it. 

Why is it so easy to skim over these beautiful words of truth? Because we tend to believe the lies of the devil rather than the truths of God. Think Adam and Eve here – you know the ones who weren’t supposed to eat from that one tree. They believed the lie - the lie that God didn’t really love them or he would have given them this forbidden fruit.  As their descendants we don’t do much better.

Ask most people what they think God is all about and I bet you that many will say something negative. But look again at that verse above. Paul prayed for these Ephesians that they would experience Christ’s love, a love that is too great to ever fully understand.

So what does God want us to know? To really know – that he loves us, unconditionally, unwaveringly, unabashedly. His love isn’t lukewarm. It isn’t here today and gone tomorrow. No, it’s the kind of love you and I will search for our whole lives. And if we try to find it anywhere but in him we will completely miss out on the best kind of love that anyone could give – eternal love.

those crazy grudges

Hello to all!  I had my 20^th high school reunion this past week.  It was fun and also eye-opening in one important way. But I’ll save that for later.

Have you ever had an internal “fight” with someone?   What I mean is this.  Have you ever been mad at someone or thought someone was mad at you, and in that state of bitterness, anger, or unforgiveness done the one thing you ought not to have done – avoided talking to them.  Confrontation, yup that good old word confrontation.  You may hate the idea, but consider the alternative - living a lifetime without ever clearing up the situation.  Sounds silly I know, but I have a confession to make.  I let twenty years pass holding a grudge against someone - someone I thought I’d forgiven.  Mind you, I consider myself a fairly forgiving person.  In this situation, however, I was anything but.

So here’s what happened.  My junior year of high school I invited a guy in my class to go to our fall formal.  (It was the kind of dance when girls asked out the guys).  I didn’t really know this person very well, but two of my closest friends and I decided to ask three guys who were themselves good friends.  That way we could all have fun together.  Anyway, the guy I asked wasn’t necessarily a friend, more like an acquaintance.  But I asked anyway in accordance with our plan. 

When this particular guy came to pick me up, I was mildly uncomfortable – we just didn’t know each other very well. As we stood barely touching for the pictures my parents took, my face blushed the faintest red.  This was embarrassing. Unfortunately, it was only the beginning of my discomfiture.  Let’s just say picture time turned out to be the highlight of the night.  After that, things went downhill considerably.

 My date and I spent most of the evening barely glancing at each other, let alone talking. The night seemed to drag on and on, and the ending was anything but happy.  You see, I got ditched.  Don’t exactly remember the details.  But somewhere in between the time the official dance ended and the unofficial partying began, the guy split.  Leaving me alone and feeling completely mortified. 

Flash forward

It’s nineteen years later and as I add old high school acquaintances as friends on facebook, I notice that this guy, the one who ditched me, is also on facebook.  Do I friend him, no?  Do I continue to hold a grudge against him, yes.  After all, he left me – how dare he.  When this could have been an opportunity to make things right, I simply let my bitter feelings simmer just a bit more.  Yes, you got it, after twenty years I still felt  resentment against him. No way I was going to friend him after what he did to me. 

Flash forward a year later – My twentieth high school reunion. 

I’m preparing to meet old friends, rivals, even enemies and which “enemy” seems to float across the screen of my brain the most – “James” - the guy who left me.  The moment I saw him I thought, “Good.  Now he’ll see what a great person I turned out to be, and he’ll be embarrassed.”  The funny thing is, that weekend I found out the true story, the real story straight from the horse’s, or in this case James’ mouth.  The reason, the real reason he left me that night?  He thought we were related. Yup, you heard it right – he thought we were related.  Sheds a whole new light on the story doesn’t it? 

Want to hear some more surprising details.  How, you might be thinking, did I figure this out?  Because the night of the reunion he told not only one good friend of mine, but another as well about what had happened that night.  The whole truth and nothing but the truth.  Not only that, but he told them how badly he felt about the whole thing.  After twenty years, he still remembered it.  He still felt badly about it.  He didn’t ditch me because I was a loser or looked horrendous in my dress.  He ditched me because he thought we were related.  Case closed.

Want to know how I felt after I’d learned the “rest of the story”.  Embarrassed and relieved all at the same time.  Mostly embarrassed.  How in the world could I have let things get out of hand like this?  And really, it all boils down to just one problem.  I never asked.  I think if I had, neither of us would have carried this regret around with us for all these years.

So the moral of this story is ask, just ask.  If you think someone’s angry with you, or you harbor a grudge against them, talk to them.  It’s so much easier than carrying around a load of guilt or a bitter heart for twenty years - or what could turn out to potentially be a lifetime. 

Want to know how I know all of this?  Because I’ve started to do something I didn’t have the guts to do in high school, I ask.  Whether I think someone’s upset with me or feel wronged by someone – I ask.  I talk.  I confront.  And you want to know the funniest part?  It works.  Nine times out of ten it’s a miscommunication, or a down-right lie that I’ve believed.  Talking to them is like opening a curtain in a dark and dusty room.  The moment the light shines in, the truth is revealed, and all the lies scatter like dust.  So, if you are harboring a grudge or a load of guilt – talk to that person.  I promise you it works, it really does. 

Matthew 5:23-24 Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.  First go and be reconciled  to your brother; then come and offer your gift.