the big three - part two

Before my last blog post was so rudely interrupted by my good old friend, depression, I was beginning to write the second part to a series called – the big three. Two weeks ago, I wrote about how guilt has been a monster that hunts me down at every turn, and why it has been such a heavy burden to bear. Now, I want to turn your attention to another favorite emotion of mine – fear.

When I think about the things I’m afraid of, some seem pretty predictable – spiders, snakes, heights, all ones you might relate to. Those are easy fears to admit to. But what about life-altering fears? Fears that paralyze me and keep me from being effective – all that God wants me to be. The one at the top of the list - fear of failure. And one not so far behind - the fear of what others think about me.

Fear of failure. I confess this is the one that keeps me from accomplishing and pursuing certain passions of mine like writing a book. What if I fail? What if what I write about is no good? What if no one wants to read my book, or worse, after reading it walks away seriously disappointed that they wasted their money?

I have a favorite quote when it comes to this idea of failure. It’s by the well known author, JK Rowling. What she has to say about failure has packed a powerful punch for me.

 It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all.

I don’t want to live my life so cautiously that I look back in regret to all of those “what ifs”, “could have beens”, and missed opportunities in general. I want to live my life boldly, fearlessly - with purpose in every step I take.

So why am I so afraid of failing? The answer to that leads to my second irrational fear – fear of what others think of me. Take this whole facebook thing. The likes, the comments, the posts shared. I have to admit that, all too often, I base my self-worth on what others think of me. And, for me, facebook has just blown all of that out of proportion. If I don’t get a lot of likes, especially for my blog posts, I take it too personally and feel discouraged. (I promise this isn’t a solicitation for lots of “likes” for this particular post).

It seems to me, that, in our world today, we focus entirely too much on what others think of us. We are all constantly chasing our tails trying to prove to somebody, anybody, that we really are worthy, likable, even lovable human beings. And when bad times hit we still put on that mask of “Yes, I’m fine,” when really inside we’re not.

For me, what it all comes down to is this – on what or whom am I basing my self-worth? If I fail, does that make me a horrible person? If someone doesn’t like me, or like what I do, does that mean I’m insignificant? It’s a daily battle -  one I’m striving to win. I am not important because people think I am. I am not valued because I wear the right clothes every day. I am not cherished because people “like,” all my facebook posts. Rather, I am important, I am significant, I am cherished because God says so. And if God says so, that’s good enough for me. Let it be good enough for you, too.