Safe in his Will

Obviously the things that have been happening in Japan have shaken us all I would imagine.  I've been dealing with my own personal struggles, nothing compared to what the Japanese people are experiencing, but I guess all things are relative.  Anyway, I digress.  Here's what I'm really trying to get to.  It's hard to understand why God allows these types of things to happen; tsunamis, earthquakes, famines, floods.  The age old question lingers in all of our minds, how can a loving God allow so much suffering?  I am no theologian and I know there are no easy answers for any of this, but some thoughts have been rolling around in my brain for awhile and I'd like to share them.  No, I don't have all the answers, mostly questions like the rest of you, but here goes.

I remember when I was a little girl having complete faith that God would take care of my family, that nothing bad would ever happen to us.  This was a particularly comforting thought to me when it came to nighttime fears.  You know, the ones that someone might break into your house, or there might be a fire while you sleep, or a tornado might come barreling down on your house.  My faith was shaken one day when I woke up and heard my sister report to my mom that someone had been on our back deck the night before and had tried to enter our house.  My heart sunk into my stomach.  A burglar, or worse had tried to enter our home.  I was stunned.  I was trusting God to keep us safe.  How could he let that happen?  And even though nothing came of it, even though it was a failed attempt, I was scared, nonetheless.  After some sleepless nights, I put the incident in the back of my  mind and refocused my faith on the fact that God would always keep me safe, nothing bad would ever happen to me. 

The thing is, though, bad things have happened to me over the years.  Not just little bad things, but big ones too.   I was sexually molested when I was eighteen, my parents divorced when I was 25, I was put in a psychiatric ward when I was 31 .  These are some of the harder "bad" things, but certainly other "bad" things on a smaller scale have happened as well.  God loves me, I know he's taking care of me, but then why, why did he allow these bad things to come into my life.  Where's the promise that "He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.  They will lift you up in their hands so you will not strike your foot against a stone."  I don't know about you, but I've struck stones both literally and figuratively speaking, and it has hurt like nothing else can.  Where is God in all of this?

The verse I quoted above (Psalm 91:11-12) has been one I've meditated on at different points in my life.  If God isn't a liar, if he always keeps his promises then somehow, someway this verse has to be true.  So here's the deal.  Awhile back I started thinking about all the times I haven't "struck a stone."  The times I've safely navigated through a minefield of toys without breaking an ankle or falling on my face.  The times I've narrowly missed hitting the car that I accidentally pulled in front of.  The car accident I was in when our van rolled and none of us wearing seat belts.  Every single person in that car walked away without an injury.  I think the problem with us is that sometimes we fixate on all  the times we have "struck a stone," rather than opening up our eyes to all the times we have been kept safe. 

 I guess what I'm trying to say is this; I don't think God allows our foot to "strike a stone" unless he wants it to, unless he wills it to.  What?  God bringing pain into our lives on purpose.  I know, doesn't make sense to me either.  But throughout my recent health struggle, I've found myself clinging tenaciously to my dear father's hand, and saying 'Okay, I'll go through this because you're allowing it to happen, and I'll try to keep the peace that you want me to have.'  And you know what?  He has helped me to grow through this experience. Somehow I'm becoming less afraid in the face of this trial, less worried about my life, more focused on his grace than on my pain.  I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, but I think there is a purpose for the pain.  God doesn't do anything tritely.  If something bad comes into our lives, it's come for a purpose.  We may not understand it now, but someday we will.  In the meanwhile though he may not calm your storm, let him calm you, his child.