Having a hard time coming up with something to write about today. One thing I worry about with this blog is that I'll run out of things to write about. I remember before I was diagnosed bipolar, I was able to write nonstop and felt like my creativity was really, well, bursting at the seams. After I got the diagnosis and was put on medications, I feared that the creative side of my brain would be forever changed - if not ruined.
In fact, one night I said to my husband, "I don't think I'll be as good a writer as I was." He related a story about a certain opera singer who lost a ton of weight. When she slimmed down, she was asked if it affected her performance. Her comment? I have to work twice as hard now as I did then. I guess that story struck a chord with me. Writing maybe doesn't come as naturally for me anymore. But I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing - I've just learned to work harder at it. And in some ways I think I'm a better person because of it.
On a slightly different note, I am really struggling with depression today. I guess I should have seen it coming. For the last few weeks I've felt really good (usually a sign that I'm a bit manic), but, inevitably the lows caught up with me and brought along my favorite friend - depression. When I get depressed everything is more difficult for me. For one thing, I don't even want to get out of bed. It takes all the self-control I can muster just to stay on my feet and do what needs to be done. If I could have my way, I'd take the mania over the depression anyday. Being manic is so much more fun.
Nope bipolar is no fun. It is most definitely my "thorn in the flesh" - my greatest weakness. The Apostle Paul addressed the issue of weaknesses in one of his letters to Corinth.
(2 Corinthians 12:7) To keep me from becoming conceited . . . there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.
Pretty depressing if you ask me. But that wasn't the end of of things. The letter goes on to say that Paul pleaded three times with the Lord to take the "thorn" away. God's response?
(verse 9) [H]e said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
So I guess I'll ask, what's your "thorn in the flesh?" What keeps you from being all that you want to be? Even though my thorn may be completely different from yours, I can relate to some of the pain you go through.
I don't know about you, but I hate my thorn. I want to be free of the daily, weakly, monthly highs and lows that come along with my illness. It's not easy to accept our thorns. But, truth be told, I don't think we'll ever be completely rid of them until we reach our heavenly home. So, in the meanwhile, we may as well go ahead and accept them; accept them and believe that, in the grand scheme of things, they must serve a higher purpose .
Leave you with this thought - from 2 Corinthians 4:7
[we] have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
No matter how much that stupid thorn may be irritating you, take heart. God's power is made perfect in your weakness.
Love your posts Nici. My dad's favorite verse was the Corinthians one about the clay jars. I think of it so much and it brings me great hope. Love.
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